In the last post, I shared how big my hopes were for being a grown-up. I basically thought it would set me free, gain me respect, and give me choices. All of those things happened, but not in the way I’d expected.
Now, I was aware I’d still be female when I grew up, but I didn’t know people would look down on me for it. I never succeeded in shutting down my enthusiasm entirely and my affinity for fun caused some people to write me off. My creative ideas earned me the label naïve. Silly girl, that will never work. When I asked why, the answer was usually, No one would go for it, or, It’s never worked like that before. It became clear my desire to be taken seriously, to be considered worthy of a seat at the table and capable of important things was not granted the day I turned 21. Or 35. I discovered it’s not a freebie given universally based on number of years post birth.
But whether or not others recognized my value, I did become master of my ship. There were limited resources and within those, I could navigate toward what I wanted. This was exhilarating for about five minutes. I froze when I realized no choices came with guarantees. It was terrifying. If I didn’t get the result I wanted, the only one to blame would be me. I became a little crazy about researching and threat analysis. I hunched over my maps, face full of worry, until I threw up my hands and sat back, feeling beat. This continued until I realized one thing.
We are LEGIT, but we are not IT.
God is it. The buck stops with Her. And She’s capable. She tells me what I need to do and doesn’t burden me with all the details, reasons and implications (which is sometimes annoying, but She can handle me being annoyed.) Her grasp of what’s going on is so big, it lassos the future and holds it tight. She does this so I can get lost in the present. When’s the last time you got lost like a child absorbed in their world of make believe? If you can remember, it feels really good. When we lose track of time, we tend to lose track of our worries too. I think that’s partly what the Bible means when it says partnership with God makes our burden light. Because God is in charge in a big, capable way, we are allowed to get lost in a carefree moment.
Not only does God have the future handled, she’s busy sorting through our past and setting upright all the parts of us life knocked over. And this, my friends, is why I can navigate my ship without fear. We’ll get into some messes, but She is in the business of redeeming, so my mistakes don’t get the final say.
