It is not in my nature to be a risk-taker. If a choice does not have a guarantee of a positive outcome, I probably will not want to choose it.
In 2010 I faced one of the riskiest decisions of my life. As a nurse, I work in a career with one of the highest rates of workplace bullying. However, I was in a much worse situation than most. While I loved my job, I was in terror most of the time because of the management at the privately owned small company I worked for. In this I was not alone. All the registered nurses in the position I was in were at least weekly yelled at and written up for minor and often fictitious mistakes we had supposedly committed and were not believed when we told our own story. Our licenses were threatened several times a week and our person-hood was regularly attacked as well.
Seven months before I resigned, I prayed for a sign as to whether or not I should quit. Did I really need a sign? Looking back I think the request was ridiculous, but our Gracious Father chose to answer me very distinctly. My mind had been so affected by the constant abuse that my thinking had become cloudy. Even with clear evidence I was to leave I hesitated. Where would I go? What would I do? Would I be able to get another job? All confidence in my abilities had been effectively destroyed by management. Nearly two years after starting with this company, I was unable to make simple decisions anymore and could only sleep for a few hours at night. I had become a shell of my former self.
A few months before I resigned I was still struggling with the path forward when a friend posted a quote on Facebook which talked about “worshiping safety.” It was one of those moments when you know God is telling you something. Worshiping safety…? Was I worshiping safety? This meant I was not trusting God. I was worrying–something we are clearly not to do.
While I wish I could say I immediately resigned and found a fabulous job, it did not happen exactly that way. It took me a few more months to get my courage up. When I did resign, God led me into a path I believe He designed to help me heal from the workplace abuse I had suffered. In about a year I was on my feet emotionally again and after a little over two years, He led me to a position I love. Had He taken me to the position I now love immediately, I would not have been ready for it and would have failed. He put me in a place where failure was a low possibility and increased my faith while healing me.
The lessons I learned about my desire to worship safety come back again and again. There are many times I am fearful of moving forward with some change because the current situation is something I know, change is not guaranteed to be good. Then I remember I am worshiping one of my idols again–safety. With God’s help I move forward and trust Him to guide my path.
If you find yourself worship safety, will you allow Him to break the hold this idol has on you?
