Home Isn’t Home Anymore
The Advent season is here! Some people have developed a healthy balance, keeping to the forefront, the birth of Jesus. Others get caught up in the festivities and traditions leading to the climatic day of the tearing up of thematic gift wrappings. All of us fall into three categories precursory to the Thanksgiving gatherings and Christmas Busering. Those who describe the holidays as festive, those who do not celebrate Christmas, and those who describe the holidays as dreary. Those who experience the holidays as a festive season would give a nod of approval to Marjorie Holmes’ statement
“At Christmas, all roads lead home.”
But some like me may respond with a negative head shake to Marjorie Holmes’ statement because because of grief, home isn’t home anymore. Loss is a reminder that the holiday season can lose its sweet spot of gratitude, rejoicing, happiness, glee, and gift exchanges. Their replacement year after year, is the bitterness of grief. Why? Because many see their reasons for celebrating encased in coffins from death;
- Death of loved ones
- Death of marriages
- Death of relationships
- Financial and societal deaths
- Spiritual death
- Let’s not forget the elephant in the room, the one we don’t speak enough of, the death of mental health.
Holiday Stress
The holiday season comes with an emotional demand for lightheartedness to compliment our “joie de vivre” joy of life! It is a huge catalyst for the onset of poor mental health. If I had to describe the manifestation of demands on family, it would be STRESS! Stress engulfs both the young and old, adding a bitter taste and constraints on everyday life, denying us the desire for life to slow down. We would love to bypass the holidays straight into the first day of January! Our mental health is critically important, and will come with relational consequences if not managed. An article from the American Psychological Association entitled Even a joyous holiday season can cause stress for most Americans shared more daunting reasons for the stress many people feel during the holiday season.
Washington — U.S. adults are feeling joyous but overwhelmed this holiday season, as nearly nine in 10 (89%) say that concerns such as not having enough money, missing loved ones and anticipating family conflict cause them stress at this time of year, according to the results of a new poll by the American Psychological Association…At this hectic tie of year, it is important that people take care of their mental health, especially in communities whose members feel disproportionately burdened or excluded from what is traditionally considered the holiday season.”…Psychological science tells us that setting aside time to strengthen our relationships and engage in traditions can benefit our physical, mental and emotional well-being, which can prepare us to better manage stress year-round,” said Arthur C. Evans Jr., PhD, APA’s chief executive officer.
The Winter Blues and Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
In addition to holiday stress, the winter months can literally have us singing the Blues and suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Singularly and cumulative with the previously mentioned stressors seemingly insurmountable; we can easily find ourselves impotent and facing a breakdown if just one more thing is dropped into our already filled emotional, mental, physical, spiritual, and social cups. Rush University Medical Center shares in an article from their RUSH Stories – More Than Just the Winter Blues?
The winter blues are very common, with many of us experiencing a mood shift during the colder, darker days of winter. You may find yourself feeling more lethargic and down overall. Although you may feel more gloomy than usual, the winter blues typically don’t hinder your ability to enjoy life. But if your winter blues start permeating all aspects of your life — from work to relationships — you may be facing SAD.
SAD is a recurrent type of depression associated with the change in seasons. It typically starts in the fall and persists through the winter months. SAD is more complicated than wanting to hunker down and stay in for the night. It’s more than simply cursing another blizzard. And it’s more than longing for those first days of spring. Basically, it’s much more than the winter blues. “SAD can be debilitating for some people,” says Joyce Corsica, PhD, a clinical psychologist at Rush. “And if you’re suffering from it, it’s important to get help.”
Preparing for The Holidays
Yearly, I try to prepare for winter by stocking up on Vitamins D and C, Zinc, Elderberry, lemons, immune boosting teas and prescription meds. I also pray to God asking Him for advance relief from the winter. But honestly, the months creep up on me so fast that as soon as August hits, September creeps in. Most times I do not succeed at being fully prepared. So before I can say Sweater Weather, Thanksgiving and Christmas decor are in the stores. With an inhale and exhale, the holiday blues and grief over lost loved ones descend on me like a weighted blanket. Most times that heaviness is too much and I retreat into a silo until the holidays are over. So the question I tend to ask myself is, how do I prepare for impending grief while preserving a heart of gratitude and cheer?
Mary’s Preparation for the Cross
There are times when many of us have missed her important experiences because the focus was primarily on the life of Jesus. Taking an in depth analysis of Mary’s life as a mother of the Messiah, I believe, is critical in helping us be resilient and maneuver through the inescapable roller coaster of experiences this life has promised us. In this blog we will discover and be reminded that through prophecies and real time testimonies, signs and wonders, Mary fully understood the mission of her and her son Jesus. She was commissioned to fulfil the prophecies of a virgin birth, raise, and guide him.
Gabriel gave Mary information for the journey she was about to embark on physically, emotionally, mentally, socially, and spiritually. She accepted God’s invitation to not only be the mother of Jesus but to embrace the mixture of joy and grief this role would bring to her as she partnered with God in His plan to save the world.
Mary also knew that her son was commissioned to fulfill all 324 prophecies about Him. He was sent to take on human form, show God the Father’s heart, be the Good News, seek the lost, heal the broken hearted, and set captives free from demonic attacks. He was tasked with assembling the leaders for the Christian church, preparing them for the arrival of God the Holy Spirit, and most importantly, for Him to die in order for humanity to be saved Luke 4:18.
One of my favorite tabernacle services is in the Old Testament in Exodus 30. It shows the ceremonial anointing of the Tabernacle revealing the work of Jesus on Earth and in Heaven. The gifts which the Magi brought for the 2 year old Jesus, were the same named oils and incense used in the Tabernacle. Gold: “King of the Jews;” frankincense: His Divinity as the Son of God; and myrrh: used to prepare a body for death.
Both of them prepared for their job and they both were able to accomplish them only with the guidance, love, strength and power of the Godhead (God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit). Mary took her job seriously through the years. The more we live, the more we will experience joy, pain, healing and the repeat of that cycle. Although this is the circle of life, we will manage changing seasons better by learning to release all of them to God. And speaking of grief, if we do not learn to grieve well, we will not arrive at the place of peace God has for us, resting firmly in His hands. English essayist and physician Havelock Ellis penned,
“All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.”
A Mother’s Womb of Compassion
Marcin Chrostowski wrote of a woman’s womb, “a woman’s womb is the place of God’s action and creation!” Though God was the Father, she was Jesus’ mother. Every joy and sorrow Jesus experienced stirred Mary deeply in her heart and bowels (womb). She had wiped His tears and nursed His wounds as a child and raised to be a man but she knew that the day would come where she would stand helpless watching Him be humiliated, mocked and murdered.
- Was she prepared for the jolt of seeing her son, brutalized, shamed, and murdered in front of her? Absolutely not!
- Did she relive all of the memories, good and terrifying as long as she lived? Absolutely!
- Did she experience all the stages of grief? Absolutely!
- Did the weight of her grief grow heavier as her son’s death grew closer? Absolutely!
On that day there would be no song she could sing to comfort the suffering of her first born baby. She carried in her heart, the weight of His every step, word, breath, His pain, and destiny to die. I would surmise that Mary tried to be strong so that she could give silent support to Jesus but the brutal events of that fateful week Jesus died, completely broke her heart. Standing at His feet at the foot of the cross, grief engulfed her as she painfully counted His breaths diminishing, she breathed with Him until the last one was released from His mouth.
God’s Tears
Today it is hard for me to believe that any parent can properly prepare for the death of their child, not even God the Father. God’s motherly compassion for our painful experiences moves deep within His “womb” just the same. He not only taught Mary how to raise Jesus, but I believe that He also taught her how to live with and move on after loss. The Word of God gives us prophecies and New Testament accounts about God the Father, God the Son before He became flesh and after in the form of Jesus, having emotions and suffering under the weight of rejection and grief just like us.
Isaiah 53:3, 4, 10 3 “He was despised and rejected by others, and a man of sorrows, intimately familiar with suffering; and like one from whom people hide their faces; and we despised him and did not value him. 4 “Surely he has borne our sufferings and carried our sorrows; yet we considered him stricken, and struck down by God, and afflicted. 10“Yet the Lord was willing to crush him, and he made him suffer. Although you make his soul an offering for sin, he will see his offspring, and he will prolong his days, and the will of the Lord will triumph in his hand.
Jeremiah 9:1 “Oh, that my head were a spring of water, and my eyes a fountain of tears, for then I would cry day and night for those of my people who have been killed.
Matthew 14:14 When he got out of the boat, he saw a large crowd. He had compassion for them and healed their sick.
John 11:35 Jesus burst into tears.
Luke 13:34 O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, who kills the prophets and stones to death those who have been sent to her! How often I wanted to gather your children together as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you people were unwilling!
We Are Never Fully Ready to Face Loss
Due to the comforting character of the Holy Spirit in us, we mothers are able to feel the pain of our children as if it were happening to us. And the older they get the more our heart pangs with prayers for their safety in our absence.
“For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief.” Ecclesiastes 1:18
With that said, not one of us is ready to lose someone we love. Covid trespassed into our homes violently stealing the lives of our loved ones without notice and in too many cases without being with them as they took their last breath. I have many friends who brought their parents to the hospital to be checked and their loved ones never came out even with family still outside waiting for them.
Knowing that we are never fully ready to face loss, before Jesus died, history captures one of the most beautiful and intimate moments between a child and His mother! Jesus was thinking about the wellbeing including the mental health of His mother. He saw her suffering and paused dying to make sure that she would be taken care of while she grieved. Jesus had the Apostle John take His mother into his care. This act of love from a Son to His mother was one of the final things Jesus needed to do before He died John 19:25-29.
How Blessed Are We Who Mourn!
I know speaking of loss and grief is so sad and depressing, but guess what? There is good news found even in this almost fully dark moment at the cross. This moment with Mary and Jesus can slip through our minds so quickly that we miss a divine moment. Jesus gave His mom a gift showing that even though sin was taking His life, the goodness of humanity was still alive, strong and evident in the darkest times. Poet Theodore Roethke first line in his poem In a Dark Time reads,
“ In a dark time, the eye begins to see”
Mary is revered highly in some denominations as the Virgin Mary the saint. However, I would like to introduce you to an equally important moment where Jesus Himself declared and gave her another status of being blessed. Jesus’ actions of providing the comfort and love she gave to Him was another picture of the exchange of our pain for His peace. As a matter of fact the blessing was poured out on all whose hearts were being broken from the hammer of His death. Jesus said in His first sermon Matthew 5:4
“How blessed are those who mourn, because it is they who will be comforted!
Can you feel it! Not only Mary but How Blessed were John and all the others who had each other to comfort one another? Exceedingly Blessed! The prayers, comfort and presence of people when we are grieving, makes it difficult for us to drown in our pain. Grief does not drain the soul when comfort is present. Grief does not make our hearts a permanent home when there is support. There are even flashes of laughter when the grieving are supported and given permission to honor their deceased through memories and stories. How Blessed are we when in pain? Exceedingly Blessed because there is a special gift of comfort only given to those who mourn.
La Joie de Vivre! The Joy of Life!
The truth is that we all have a heads up about how life circles around death. The Holy Spirit told a man named Simon that he would not die before he saw the Messiah. As he blessed Jesus and Mary, Simon prophesied to Mary, Luke 2:35 letting her know of the deep sorrow she would experience as the mother of Jesus.
35 Indeed, a sword will pierce your own soul, too, so that the inner thoughts of many people might be revealed.”
but when we stand face to face with the death of our own children, our parents, or someone we could never prepare to live without, all the preparation goes out the window and grief becomes our teacher instead. Death brings with it impending grief, mental anguish, despair, blues, and sadness enveloped in cold darkness. Yet Mary teaches us that although she could not fully prepare for the death of Jesus, she was not without company, compassion, empathy, and guidance from God the Father.
God, who also had to prepare for a cold and dark winter experience through the death of His Son Jesus, gave Mary the courage and strength to live through Her son’s, God’s same son’s birth, life, death, resurrection, and departure. Today, God wants us to know that everyone will experience seasons of losses and gains but He is walking with us in all of them. He empathizes with our grief because He also experiences cycles of life and death of mankind physically, mentally, and/or spiritually. The Good News is that Jesus promised Mary that grief will end one day because of His sacrifice. Ecclesiastes 3:1-4
1 There is a season for everything, and a time for every event under heaven: 2 a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to uproot what was planted; 3 a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to tear down, and a time to build up; 4 a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance…
Can you imagine that our joy had to pass through the bloodied hands of Jesus to get to us! Look at the big picture through the lens of God’s plans for our lives. The proof is in His Word!
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Psalm 16:11 You cause me to know the path of life; in your presence is joyful abundance, at your right hand there are pleasures forever.
- Corinthians 2:10 reveals those things to us by his Spirit.
- Hebrews 12:2 Jesus saw the joy of life with us on the other side of the cross.
- Revelation 19:7 We are invited to rejoice, be glad, and give God glory, because we will be with Him soon
- Revelation 21:4 He will wipe every tear from their eyes, vanquish and there won’t be any grief, crying, or pain in heaven
One day grief will release us back into the Edenic Joie de Vivre once and for all! The way we find this joy is by keeping our eyes on Jesus and by inviting God’s presence in our lives. Until then, God will guide and navigate us to be able to grieve well. Trust God that when we find Him, we find a peace and joy in the middle of sadness. Until all of our tears are wiped away forever, focusing on God will always bring us to experiencing the fullness of His joy! And with that good news we can sing Noel!
Helpful Resources
More Than Just the Winter Blues? | RUSH
McLean’s Guide to Managing Mental Health Around the Holidays
Even a joyous holiday season can cause stress for most Americans
How Many Messianic Prophecies Did Jesus Fulfill in Scripture? — FIRM Israel
How Many Messianic Prophecies Did Jesus Fulfill in Scripture?
