As a young Adventist girl I thought the person I was supposed to marry was the person I’d been sexually intimate with.

Some unwritten rule never expressed to me in words, led me to marry the worst possible option in a man.

Years later, after a divorce and a period of “sewing my wild oats” a man fell into my lap who seemed sent from God Himself. From the moment we met (or re-met, since we had known each other years earlier in elementary school) we were best friends and inseparable.

We’ve since gotten married, had three beautiful boys, and will soon celebrate 13 years of marriage.

He asked me recently if I believe he and I are soul mates.

I have to say that I’ve never considered it because I have never thought much of soul mates at all. It seems a romantic notion only in fiction. It’s as if some outward or intrinsic force brings two people together, and they have no power in it at all.

Do I believe my husband is the best husband I could possibly have and I am meant to be with him? Yes.

Do I believe that God only puts two people on this planet who are meant to be together, that these two people are called
‘soul mates’, and we’re just out of luck if we don’t find this person in our lifetime? No.

Love Relationships in the Bible

God Himself showed us how to love through His very existence and the existence of us. When we look to His Word, we can find other great examples of love relationships that are not always romantic nor co-dependent.

Adam & Eve

In scripture as far back as Genesis we see the marriage relationship, but even it is not our idea of soul mates. When God creates Eve (or woman) for Adam (man), it is as a helper, not a perfect lover. She is made of him and for him, but was named for her kind, not her individuality or her personality, or how it fit together with his.

Genesis 2:24 says “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (ESV). So, first the man leaves the father and mother, marries his wife, and then they are one flesh. We are not walking around as two halves until we find our special someone.

David & Friends

Before he was a king and a man after God’s heart, David was a great friend to several men in his circle.

1 Samuel 18 shows us that David had a fast friendship with Saul’s son, Jonathan. They bonded and had a covenant friendship according to verse 3.

Later, in 1 Samuel 22, David keeps another friend, Abiathar, safe after Saul had his family killed (v. 23).

Taking a look at both collections of Samuel, you can see David was loyal and kind to many friends.

Job & His 3 Friends

When Satan attacks Job’s health in Job 2, even his wife says “curse God and die” (v. 9), but his friends come as soon as they hear of it. In fact they travel to visit him “to show him sympathy and comfort him” (v. 11). They tore their clothes, wept for him, prayed for him, and sat on the ground with him in silence for seven days and seven nights, never saying a word to him, but just being with him (v. 12-13).

When Job does finally speak, an outcry of distress really, they listen and comfort, they challenge and rally with him. They attempt to point him back to God. They stick with Job throughout the entire book, even to his restoration when God sends them to make amends with Job because he prayed for them. This story runs throughout the book of Job.

Jesus & His Friends

Throughout the gospels you can follow Jesus’ relationship with a select group of disciples. It’s not just the twelve who traveled and ministered with Jesus, but also with siblings Mary, Martha, and Lazarus. You can see evidence of a close friendship in Luke 10:38 and John 11:21-23.

What I wonder when considering the implication or existence of soul mates is this: why do we want there to be soulmates?

I think we have a longing in our hearts, but it’s not for a lover. It’s not for a spouse.

What if we’ve been looking for God all along?

Perhaps the reason so many are unhappy and unsatisfied is because our partners can never live up to the true need of our heart. We need God to fulfill our soul.

A covenant friendship–a marriage, for instance–is a gift from Him who knows the substance of our souls.