One wintery morning years ago as I looked out the window to see beautiful snowflakes and a clear sky, I thought to myself, How lovely to be as clean as snow. The snow was so shiny, brilliantly bright and peaceful. Not a blemish or mark of dirt appeared anywhere on the ground.
At that moment, I realized that something had blemished my soul. Spiritually, there was a dark place deep inside me. I immediately knelt and began to ask for God’s revelation as to what was going on regarding my spiritual soul. I started reading scriptures and meditating on the word of God.
Through prayer and meditation on the word, my eyes of understanding were opened. The Holy Spirit showed me that I had a spiritually broken soul from the trauma experienced over the past eight years of my life. I knew God is a healer and is ready to take a broken person and make them whole. At that point, I invited God to come into my life all over again and to start the healing process.
Broken: having been fractured or damaged. No longer in one piece or working order. Smashed or shattered. (Oxford Languages)
I had been married to a man for seven years who was under the influence of demonic spirits. Somewhere in his life he opened the door to satanic influences and witchcraft. Throughout the marriage there was much confusion, chaos and spiritual warfare. During this time my home life was in a total uproar and different from anyone I knew. The spiritual warfare was so intense and I was constantly being persecuted, ejected, abandoned, humiliated, falsely accused, traumatized and punished.
Dealing with demonic spirits on a daily basis in the home was exhausting, hurtful, and emotionally straining. Only by God’s grace and new mercies every day was I able to stand.
Continuing in such a situation year after year really begins to take a toll on one’s entire countenance, soul (mind, will and emotions), physical nature, and spirituality—not to mention how it affects your nervous system. The sleepless nights, tearful days and mournful afternoons begin to break down your life forces. As time goes on, without really realizing the deepness of what is happening, your soul is being severely affected. The hurt, pain and major mental distress have caused a deep-rooted brokenness inside.
I was trying so hard to continue to dwell with my husband. Yet day after day the spiritual warfare seemed to be more difficult to deal with. I started praying, fasting and begging the Lord to deliver me somehow.
One day my husband became very irate. I cried out to God in desperation; I did not want to live this way any longer and continue to be subjected to the evil spirits that my husband was entertaining. “Please deliver me God and show me a way of escape!” was my cry.
I remember getting ready for the day and hearing the Holy Spirit speak to me in a still small voice, saying where He wanted me to relocate to. I was obedient to the Spirit and followed His direction. There were some nice apartments I had seen and when I stopped in to look at them the assistant manager was someone I knew. In my mind, I doubted that I would get approved because of my income and credit score. Still, I filled out the application and prayed the entire time. The manager said, “You are approved and I will give you our special deals that are going on this month.” She had the perfect peaceful apartment lined up with the exact time frame that I wanted to move!
I always wanted to live in the country, but had not positioned myself to do so. This apartment was similar to country living—exactly what I needed to recalibrate my life. God had favored me and was working on my behalf to deliver me from the mess I was in.
The day for moving came. I took a leap of faith and separated from my husband. It was a very sad day, but also at the same time joyful. I knew something had to change or things would get even worse.
God in His mercy had rescued me from the future destruction set by the enemy of souls to kill, steal and destroy my life. God had prepared a way out for me just like He did the Hebrew boys in the fiery furnace, and Daniel in the lion’s den. When that happened, there was a sense of freedom in my heart and a burden of bricks seemed to be lifted. No more striving and malice in the home, only peace and joy. And this is where the real journey of transition began.
Transition: the process or period of changing from one state or condition to another
Everything in my life was in transitional mode. The place I lived, associates I had, places I shopped—all aspects of my life seemed to be starting over and heading in a new direction. I took advantage of this time by rededicating my life to Jesus and seeking God like never before to have a more intimate relationship with the God of heaven and earth. I desperately needed God’s help to pick up the broken pieces of my entire being. More than ever I needed an internal makeover.
My faith was strong, so I knew that if anyone could heal me and make me whole it was the true and living God. I consecrated myself to Him on a daily basis and invited His Holy Spirit to fill my spirit. I desired to be close to God and made whole. In my own strength it was impossible, but with God all things are possible. My mindset was in the realm of possibilities and miracles that only God could perform. The thought of God loving me so much—to forgive sins and bad choices, then renew my mind and mold me into His image— brought me to a very humble place in my life.
Going through transition is where the true healing takes place. I came to the place where I was humble and no longer wanted to make choices on my own without God, but wanted to be in His perfect will. Finally, I could see the light… and the brokenness and darkness that had taken root in my soul was beginning to open up. The scars, trauma and hurt began to be healed. God was molding me to be as shiny and bright as freshly fallen snow, as bright as the light of God. He was preparing me to serve Him and be His representative on a new level. I had survived a situation that others may have experienced in some way but never got the chance to tell about—to profess God’s everlasting love, or come to someone else’s rescue who was broken.
The process of being broken through circumstances is not easy; but it is necessary for God to create in us a new spirit and an unselfish desire for helping others. God will work in our souls to free us of any anger, unforgiveness, bitterness, and every other evil spirit that may have taken root.
Process: the series of actions or steps to achieve a particular event (Oxford Language Dictionary)
The entire process of being broken and then made whole, transitioning from a certain way to a new way, has developed in me a deeper love for ministry and teaching the gospel of Jesus Christ. I have been involved in ministry for over 14 years by serving at shelters for domestic violence, teen pregnancy and runaway youth in the Kansas City area.
It was not until God rescued me and showed me who He really was and what He can do in my life that no one else had the power to do, that my compassion for helping people to overcome darkness and be delivered from the hand of the enemy grew stronger. God is not finished with me yet, but He surely has brought me from a mighty dark place. I strive to let my life be a testimony for God and give God my glory story.
Jeanine Qualls is the founder of H.E.L.P. Ministry (Harvesting, Elevating Lives To Prosper) www.helpmininstryprayer.com
Find Jeanine on YouTube: jennyqualls
Email Jeanine if you would like to schedule a speaking engagement or support during your healing process:
