Why aren’t you dating anyone?
- Unsolicited questions about dating and relationships feel invasive and put unnecessary pressure on already stressed students. Dating isn’t always a priority and some people are perfectly content being single.
Who did you vote for?
- It may be election season, but it’s for the best to avoid discussing politics altogether. It’s Thanksgiving dinner, not the debate stage.
What are your grades like?
- Grades are often a source of anxiety, especially if they aren’t up to expectations. They are trying their best.
How much are you eating?
- Commenting on someone’s appearance is a very sensitive matter and can leave them feeling insecure and uncomfortable and most people would take it as body-shaming. Comments about how skinny somebody is can be just as damaging as commenting how fat somebody is.
Why don’t you hang out with them anymore?
- Friendships and relationships come and go. Some may not end on the best of terms. Asking this question can bring back some painful memories while they are trying to move on.
Why aren’t you applying for jobs/internships yet?
- Students already feel the pressure to build up their resumes, and adding more pressure won’t help them, especially when opportunities are becoming more competitive are difficult to come by.
Did you hear about what your cousin/friend is doing?
- Comparing them to other people their age can cause them to have feelings of inadequacy. Everyone moves through life at their own pace. It’s not a competition.
When are you going to start paying your own bills?
- This question can cause pressure and guilt, especially when being financially independent may not be the most viable option at this stage in their life.
Why aren’t you more involved on campus?
- There are several reasons why they might not be involved in extracurriculars, ranging from class load, mental health and personal preferences. This is a personal decision and college students are already busy people.
Do you have a backup plan?
- This question can plant seeds of doubt and insinuates that you don’t believe they can make their current path work out
Why do you look so tired?
- Again, college students are busy people. Intense class loads, clinics, internships, work, and more can cause students to feel more stressed and lose sleep, which takes a toll on them physically and mentally. Please try to be understanding.
Here are some questions that can foster a positive and supportive conversation with students:
- What has been your favorite part about college so far?
- Have you discovered any new hobbies?
- What do you enjoy most about your major?
- Have you tried any good restaurants?
- How is that state different from here?
- What are the dorms like?
- What’s been your favorite class?
- What surprised you the most?
- What’s your favorite place in (city name)?
- How do you like your professors?
- Are there any projects you’re excited about?
Evan Majors is a senior English and communication major at Union Adventist University
