I don’t have much to share. Honestly, compared to most of you readers, there is little chance that you can learn something from me. But here I am – impressed to write about relationships.
I have only been married for two years and a few months. We dated only five months before we got married. I get it if you feel I am not experienced enough to write this, but then again, I had to be a quick learner and rely on God to teach us as we went. So… I have learned a few things about marriage, and I would like to share them.
“Never Walk Out…”
This seems simple, but it was one of the first things God taught me in our marriage. I am not talking about ‘I am divorcing you’ type of walking out. I am talking about leaving because of frustration, stress or otherwise normal relationship problems. See, I found it easier to run than to stay and learn how to communicate with my husband. I wanted to walk away in frustration; it seemed natural to put space between us just to avoid the drama and stress of trying to learn how to ‘get along.’
God taught me to never walk out, because that was placing my comfort levels above the needs of my husband and my marriage. He began to show me how to communicate, but God only showed me that as I chose not to walk away. The day I chose to never walk out of the house upset was the day I begin seeing the light of peace and forgiveness twinkling back in.
“Seek Me First…”
It amazes me that I am still forgetting this! See, when God brought my husband and I together, God first put me in a ‘relationship sabbatical.’ It was a time for quiet leaning on God until I knew that God was the one who gave me my value. I had to learn that it is God who gives me the desires of my heart, including the man he brought to me as my husband. But once I got married, those lessons God had spent so much time teaching me began to fade. I began to expect my husband to meet all my needs and forgot about the God who had been with me through everything else.
“Stay Positive…”
It is so hard for me not to be cutting and negative with my words when I am upset or disappointed. And yet, God through the Bible has clearly told me to stay kind, stay positive regardless of how my husband has made me feel. Yes, it is hard, it is so hard to control what I say and keep it with what God would want me to say. Here are two verses that I remind myself of when I am upset – “…for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned” (Mat 12:37) and “…death and life are in the power of the tongue” (Prov. 18:21).
Those are some strong statements, aren’t they? Do you get the idea that what we say, good or bad, positive or negative, makes an impact on ourselves and others? Choose to be the one who stays positive, stays kind and stays loving … it makes a difference!
“Don’t Let Go of Your Peace….”
This is the one that reduces frustrations and fights into civil disagreements that can be worked through. One day, we were upset and started yelling, as happened with most issues we had. Suddenly, in the middle of it, I prayed for help, and then I felt God say, “Fight for the peace.” I later heard a sermon where the speaker said that the Holy Spirit is not present in conflict, but where there is peace, the Spirit is able to work.
It makes sense, right? And guess what? It works! When I put the brakes on a fight by saying, “I refuse to lose my peace over this,” our focus switched from fighting each other to finding a solution to why where were fighting. It may be last on the list, but it has made such a difference in our marriage!
Okay, I will admit it—I am still working on each of these. Seriously, a day does not go by where God is not reminding me of His four principles for our marriage. Not a single day! Yes, we are still learning!
However, these are simple, easy-to-remember tips, and will create amazing results in your marriage, because they go back to the principles found over and over in the Bible. These four things will make a difference, not just in your marriage, but also in any area of your life.
