Grief has a way of altering the landscape of our memories. When my dad passed away, I found myself caught in the paradox of wanting to remember every detail, yet wanting to forget those brutal last moments on Earth. I’ve spent a lot of time in fear that time may erode the vividness of the memories, though–the last memories I have with my dad. Will I forget his voice, the way he laughed, or the little things that made him who he was?
This fear of forgetting has led me to reflect on the story of Manasseh in the Bible. His name, “to forget,” carries a weighty significance. Manasseh was named by his father, Joseph, who declared that God had made him forget all his troubles from his father’s household (Genesis 41:51). The name “Manasseh” symbolizes a release from the pain of the past, a forgetting that allows one to move forward. Yet, as I grapple with my grief, I wonder if forgetting is a blessing or a loss.
There is a tension between holding on and letting go, between remembering and forgetting, and what it means for those of us who are mourning the loss of someone dear. Through the lens of Joseph’s story, I pray we can have the gift of Manasseh because Joseph forgot the trauma of his young life but did not forget his family. He reconciled with them later, specifically because he did not forget them. Someday, with prayer and lots of time, I hope to reconcile my memories with my feelings–seeing the blessing alongside the pain more clearly. Here is a prayer for all of us:
Father in Heaven,
You are the King of the Universe, and yet you hear my prayer. I wish I could love myself the way that you love me–the way I was loved by the one I lost. As time has passed, people were right, it hurts less, but I don’t want it to hurt less because I’m forgetting. I want to remember those last, precious moments. I want to remember the years with fondness. I want to remember because in the remembering, I remember myself as well. I am not loved less because someone I love has gone. I am not less known because someone who knew me intimately has gone. I am not diminished and I am not alone. God, I believe in You. I believe Your Word. I believe in Your Son. I believe in the power of Your Holy Spirit, and that Your Holy Spirit lived also in the one I lost. I believe You can and will heal this broken heart. Smooth over the harsh edges of loss. Help me to forget how badly it hurt to lose, but how wonderful it was to love. I believe You hear me now. Thank You, Father. In Jesus’ Name I pray and hope. Amen.
Featured image created with the help of AI through ChatGPT.
