Healing in Safe Spaces

Are We Safe Spaces?

I’ve been thinking back about the safety of relationships that I have been in and the safety that I have provided in relationships. They were her major fails and major wins. In other words I know what it’s like to be in an unsafe relationship and I have had to record it would be in the one who has made a relationship unsafe. Safety and take on many forms. For example there is a relationship that can be financially safe but emotionally unsafe. There are also the experiences of spiritual, psychological, emotional, mental, and physical unsafe spaces and people.

This is not just for some people and there is another section in a mountain somewhere where there is perfection, but this is a work for all of our hearts. The reality is that we are born with free disposition to be unsafe. We are born to be selfish and to look out for a cell but for the transforming power of God.

“There is nothing more deceitful than the heart of man; who can understand it? Man’s heart is sick, in need of healing. “I, YAHWEH, probe the heart, and I thoroughly test the inner being to give to all people what they deserve according to their ways and based on their deeds.” Jeremiah 17:9-10 (TPT)

The Work Of The Spirit To Make Us Safe

God invites us to sit in this space, acknowledging that anything good, any safety that we can provide does not come from our own works. Safety comes from a supernatural, miraculous work of the mindset and thinking of Christ in us, the Holy Spirit working and producing safety in us for us and through us, and the green light from the Father for the work to be done because of the blood of Jesus.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.” Galatians 5:22-26 (NIV)

The Healing Power Of Safe Relationships

Emotional stability and safety is a foreign language to us until we learn the language of love of God. How else can we be vulnerable, and provide spaces for vulnerability, until we ourselves have experience and been transformed by that space God has created for us to be fully ourselves, show up fully in our humanity, and not be rejected for the sharp edges of our wounds cutting through the Father’s heart. There is a saying that when your heart finds safety in relationships, our walls of protection finally crumble. Our hearts are finally able to process and expel brokenness because we can only heal up to a certain point and the rest is found in honest, loving, and forgiveness-laced relationships. This kind of vulnerability is a gift for only those in a safe relationship just as a correction is a privilege for only those in a relationship.

“The deepest emotional healing work is done within relationship, where heart-connected persons see emotional triggers as clues, rather than judgments or feelings towards each other. By yourself, you may learn skills that help you be more observant, calm and centered. But it’s not until you interact with others that your emotions, and these new skills, are put to the test.” Maria A. Connolly, Somatic Therapist & Coach – Leadership Trainer

The Psychological Safety Of Jesus

Jesus modeled and provided psychological safety to those around Him.

One aspect of God’s safety which we really should speak more about is His psychological safety. It is a gift when we find individuals where we are safe to express all of our emotions while we are in the process of healing. It’s very daunting to be afraid to show someone a side of us not knowing if they will weaponize it against us. It’s also very daunting not being able to have difficult and honest conversations with those we are in relationships with, especially understanding that it is on the other side of a difficult and raw emotional conversation where the opportunity for growth, healing, and the strengthening of that bond is. I do not mean codependency and being stuck in a vicious cycle of toxic traits. I’m talking about being in an emotionally stable relationship where we can handle each other’s expressions of fear without shame.

Jesus teaches us a master class at what that picture looks like. Jesus was a spiritual, psychological, emotional, mental, and physical safe space for those around Him and especially for those closest to Him. In my current conversations with God, Peter and Jesus’ mutually vulnerable and difficult conversations stand out to me. Matthew 16 shows us a picture of a deeply vulnerable, emotionally charged, and difficult moment shared between these two men. Jesus was once again revealing the pain He would endure on the cross and Peter responded to Jesus’ vulnerability with his own vulnerability. The moment was raw and tense but filled with the fruit of their closeness and safety to have a difficult conversation because of love.

From that time on Jesus began to show His disciples that He must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things at the hands of the elders, chief priests, and scribes, and that He must be killed and on the third day be raised to life. Peter took Him aside and began to rebuke Him. “Far be it from You, Lord!” he said. “This shall never happen to You!” But Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind Me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to Me. For you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men. Matthew 16:22 (BSB)

Imagine rebuking Jesus knowing all that you know about Him. Imagine rebuking Jesus knowing He is the Son of God! That’s some kind of audacity, boldness but as I thought about it, I have to say that that was some sense of safety which Peter felt in relationship with Jesus! It may seem to be a notch against Peter but on the other side I see a person who has found safety in the love and strength and presence of Jesus and the stability of a person who had proven that He was with them in the good times and bad and ugly relationship cycles.

In this difficult yet beautiful moment we see the power and the strength of relationship in Jesus. I can imagine that this discussion would be very difficult to process or even sound like I am speaking outside of the lens of the gospel. But think about it for a moment, we do not unleash on individuals who in some sense we do not believe will leave us. As a parent and as a daughter, I have seen and learned that the one who feels closest, safest, and most confident in the staying power of the relationship is the one who will express their rawest fears even if it comes off as disrespectful. As with the others in His circle who had difficult, vulnerable, and stretching moments with Jesus, He handled Peter’s fear expressions and vulnerability with restorative correction, dexterity and grace.

“Psychological safety does not mean that you feel comfortable all the time. Psychological safety means you feel comfortable talking about what makes you uncomfortable.” Esther Derby

The amazing news for us today is that for those in a personal relationship with Jesus, He still provides safety for our hearts and our minds. That is such GREAT NEWS! If you want to know why it is found in the everlasting, all consuming, potent, antivenom for shame…Love of God

The love of God lifts us out of our trauma stagnation and begins the unraveling of our walls of protection. It’s redeeming, consuming our fears and doubts, nourishing our hearts, healing our minds and giving us new experiences to replace the negative ones.
The Love of God is the safety of God’s heart. This is the place of trust and confidentiality – allowing us to be vulnerable, showing up in our full selves, free to talk, ask questions, share concerns, and share emotions without being shamed.
The Love of God is experienced in the dexterity of God’s hands. Strong enough for us to break, strong enough to handle our harshests shelves, strong enough to experience love lost for Him and yet gentle enough to embrace us until we exhale and rest in His peace.

These and more are only found first in the stability and safety of relationship with God. What I love about God is His story about His relationship with us which is raw and not hidden from the reality of life with Him. God’s emotional stability has been the unshaken core of why we can come boldly to Him as we are and without fear or shame. It’s transformative, recreating us to mirror and model to ourselves and others, the grace we experienced. The side effects are amazing! Healing which brings closeness, newness, redemption and strengthening of real bonds in Godly infused relationships.