When I was very small, I had a Panda stuffed animal lovey, named Bear-bear. My advanced naming skills are an indicator of how old I was when he came into my life. Bear-bear was always there. I believed he loved me completely, understood me completely and I didn’t have to hide anything from him because he was always safe.
Looking back I wonder, how did I know such perfect love existed? Or that I was the recipient of it? I didn’t learn it from humans. But my little heart knew this was right and could be expected. I was never self-conscious with Bear-bear because he understood why I did what I did. I didn’t have to explain myself to him because even if he wasn’t present for something, I believed he saw it. He was always on my side, always ready to listen and comfort. He also had the kindest eyes.
Now I know I projected God’s attributes on my lovey. I think I kind of knew it then, but felt I had temporary permission to communicate with God through Bear-bear. It felt good to hold God close and feel his softness. I imagined Bear-bear saying things to me, and I suppose God was comforting me through Bear-bear.
Eventually people convinced me God was not as supportive as Bear-bear, but He is. And He has the kindest eyes. He sees everything that happens to me – I don’t have to catch Him up. He knows all about me and why I do what I do – even when I don’t understand. He’s my biggest fan and He’s a constant source of comfort who never tires of listening to me. I don’t think I could’ve imagined this love, if I wasn’t created to receive it.
