Last week I referred to forgiving deep hurt and how I’ve learned forgiveness is a gift, not an action. The hurt I was referring to was the trauma of my biological father molesting me when I was very young. Though the abuse ended when I was five years old, I was a young adult before God gifted me forgiveness.
If you’re wondering what took so long, there was work I needed to do to clear space for forgiveness and to do the work, I needed support. We don’t take the deep dive into our pain if we don’t have a safety net around us. It’s one of the protective instincts God built into us, knowing we’d weather a world of hurt. I found support and guidance when I married my husband and connected with a counselor.
My counselor helped me see my job was to engage in work to heal my soul. It was terrifying, but I opened my heart and let myself feel the feelings I’d stuffed down so far, they were hard to locate. I found I needed to be angry and cry and stop blaming myself. I needed to write letters to the girl I was when the abuse was happening and cry more and burn the letters. I threw eggs in my shower (they make a terrific explosion when they shatter) and released my anger. I trembled and felt my helplessness. And at the end of it, at the end of the hard, healing rainbow, I found forgiveness, like a pot of gold.
And at the end of it, at the end of the hard, healing rainbow, I found forgiveness, like a pot of gold.
Forgiveness felt like someone had cut free a load of bricks and I’d float through the rest of my life. It felt like the sun had finally come out for me. It was the first time I really tasted and saw that the Lord is very, very good. I knew without a shadow of doubt that life with Jesus is indeed abundant.
So when people try to sell the idea that forgiveness is done by pretending I like someone I don’t and hopefully, someday will, I don’t buy it. I know what God did for me and I want Her to do it for you. Do the work to heal, and trust Jesus to bring the forgiveness. Like a surprise dessert.
