Post 1/3
Long story short.
I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure at the beginning of this year.
Listen.
When I say I was shooketh?!
Moved to Denver for a pastoral assignment.
Had trouble breathing.
Thought it was the altitude.
Got worse.
Yea.
Life takes on new meaning when you can’t breathe smh.
Thankfully, I’m still here. Getting stronger each day.
And seriously heeding the command that says Let everything that has BREATH praise the Lord! *Quickens immediately*
Huge thanks to the family, friends and colleagues who have been carrrrrrrying me through this ordeal. Y’all know who you are.
And to my ladies in House of Women…thanks for sticking it out with me. It means SO MUCH.
Special thanks to the Park Hill SDA church and the Central States Conference Administration for their love and support.
“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”
Psalms 73:26 NRSV
Post 2/3
As I continue to recover, I’ve had time to write and reflect so let me also say this. Especially to my black sisters. During this Women’s History Month. Respectfully.
Do. What. You. Need. To. Do.
To set yourself free from any trauma, stress and worry birthed in environments that endorse and uphold systems of capitalism, racism, misogyny, patriarchy, sexism, abuse and religious trauma.
Your body was designed to be loved, not lampooned by systems, institutions and structures committed to denigrate and depress you.
Leave the relationship
Leave the friendship
Leave the family member
Leave the job
Leave the company
Leave the specific church or ministry and find another.
Even leave social media pages if you must.
Cuz it’s making you sick. The unhealthy habits you have aren’t all your fault, sis. Some of us have stress related to people and places who hurt more than help.
Be set freeeee!!
Post 3/3
And then to my fellow co-laborers in ministry…
Listen to what your body is telling you, doc.
Stop pushing yourself to preach when you’re feeling tired and get one of your elders to do it because…smh
Regardless of what caused my condition (we don’t know for certain)
My heart literally said NO MORE!!! I’m done.
I’m exhausted keeping you alive in an unhealthy approach to ministry.
So yea.
I can’t wait to preach again.
I can’t wait to teach again.
I can’t wait to sing again.
I can’t wait to dance again.
I can’t wait to run after my nephews again.
I misssssssssss itttttt.
But the couple times I’ve done anything has left me exhausted.
So.
Despite what the spiritually deep people will say, let’s cancel living and ministering while sick and tired just so Jesus can carry us and get the glory.
Been there. Done that. ZERO stars. Do not recommend.
Grateful for being kept thus far but no thanks.
I want God to get the glory out of a healthy, joy filled life and ministry going forward for a change.
You feel me?
Until then.
I will rest and heal.
I will grieve and lament.
I will love and live.
Without apology.
Thank God for his grace. Thank God for his mercy. And thank God for the power of his healing love.
Keep me lifted.
“And I will not keep silent
I will always worship you.
As long as I am breathing,
I will always worship you….”
Kimberly Bulgin is associate pastor at the Park Hill Seventh-day Adventist Church in Denver, Colorado.
