Where and How to Find Compassion and Empathy in the Midst of Our Pain!
My last two blogs, How To Land When We Fall! and How Can I Encourage Myself in Dark and Challenging Times received quite a number of questions. Most of them were for me to share more about this mental health journey. I wasn’t quite ready to write more about it because I am still wading through the waters of confusion, anxiety, shame, and low self esteem, trying to understand why at this late stage of my life, this had to happen. My life has been flipped upside down. To be honest I was, and still am, having very honest conversations with God, asking Him some of those same questions. The main concern for me was where I fit in life, relationships, profession, and ministry moving forward.
Some of the individuals who were in the Behavioral Health hospital at the same time I was there, ended up in the Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) with me. In those three days a week for three hours a day, we sure did get to know each other on the most emotionally intimate levels. This allowed us to find commonality, compassion, and equally importantly for us, empathy. I love these explanation of compassion and empathy:
- Compassion – The feeling or emotion, when a person is moved by the suffering or distress of another, and by the desire to relieve it; pity that inclines one to spare or to succour (Oxford English Dictionary, s.v. “compassion (n.), sense 2.a,”2023).
- Empathy – “Feeling the same emotion as the other person, also referred to as emotional contagion or “catching” someone else’s tears. Feeling distressed in response to the other person’s pain. Feeling compassion for another person, also referred to as empathetic concern (Trisca, 2024).
In addition to our group co-members, some of our therapists in the hospital and in group therapy, met us on empathetically relatable grounds. They too had walked in some of our shoes. It is important to state that they stayed true to professional ethical codes, however, they communicated in safe ways, how they see us both inside and out. I cannot emphasize enough the value of the presence of compassion and the calming communal power of empathy.
These therapists in some way reminded me of various Biblical accounts of God’s compassion and empathy for His children’s pain. He describes himself and is described as having mercy/compassion, as a mother’s womb, moved for her children’s suffering. It is so life changing to me when I think of how my pain moves God to compassion. Plus He empathizes with me because He sits in my pain also. Our pain and suffering is His pain and suffering. He comforts us knowing that He not only sees our pain but He knows our sorrows and sufferings and trials. Exodus 3:7 (AB)
This mercy is one of God’s attributes/character. The word compassionate and mercy (Racham) are in the family of the Hebrew word for womb (rechem) (Strong’s Hebrew: 7358. רָ֫חֶם (Rechem) — Womb, n.d.). The verb racham: to love, have compassion (Strong’s Hebrew: 7356. רָ֫חַם (Racham) — Compassion, n.d.):
Racham is that perfect love of God. It is a love like a mother has for her newborn baby in her arms. The baby that just looks up at her with total trust and dependance and love. It is a love that we can have for God as Peter declared to Jesus on the beach in John 21:15-17 where Jesus asked Peter if he loved Him. The word used for love is racham and Peter answered: “Yes, Lord I racham you.” David in Psalm 18:1 says; “I love (racham) you Lord). Here racham is in a Qal (simple) verbal form…Everything we need and long to know about God is wrapped up in racham love…For there is no reaching the limits of God’s racham love. (Bentorah & Spillman, 2022)
“Is Ephraim my dear son? My darling child? For though I speak against him, I surely remember him continually. Therefore, my innards are moved for him. Mercy (rachem). I will have mercy on him (arachamenu)” (Jeremiah 31:20, NLT) (Hebrew Concordance: Raḥ·māh — 4 Occurrences, n.d.)
Knowing the depth of God’s love for me through the whispers of the Holy Spirit, the magnified reminders in the Word of God, and the actions of loving people, literally keeps me afloat and in some areas thriving. The compassionate womb of God is my safe place because there I find not only grace but forgiveness, provision, defense, chastisement, restoration, justice, miracles, love, rest, rescue, healing, and so much more which are dispensed at the rolling of my tears, the sound of my voice, or the silence of my inner groans.
“I will answer them before they even call to me. While they are still talking about their needs, I will go ahead and answer their prayers! Isaiah 65: 24 (NLT)
It is best for us to humble ourselves into total dependency of God’s love because we are not guaranteed to be compassionate to ourselves when we are not in ideal spaces emotionally, mentally, physically, or spiritually. The 507th anniversary of the onset of the Protestant Reformation movement on October 31, 2024, reminded me of the great Reformer Martin Luther who tried to beat and starve himself as penance for His sins. (Hillerbrand, 2024).
10. Extreme repentance
As a young monk Luther was obsessed with atoning for his sins and went to ridiculous lengths to punish himself. This ranged from extreme self denial and physical and mental tests to self flagellation. One such punishment consisted of lying in the snow, through the night at the height of winter until he would have to be carried back inside (Martin Luther. Cheat’s Guide, n.d.)
It wasn’t until He understood the love of Jesus and the power of His blood, did Luther emerge from behind the wall of lost love and compassion (Baker, 1998).
God takes no pleasure in our pain. But He does delight in our wholeness…God is not happy about our hurt, the key is to keep looking into His face and talking with Him while the soul surgery takes place (McNeal, 2011).
Don’t get me wrong, I understand fully that pain makes us want to hide. It confuses us and takes our focus off of everything else going on in our lives. I get it and you are not alone, however I want to encourage you to focus on Jesus and believe that you will have a testimony of His goodness even before the pain goes away. He is a good God and is always working behind the scenes and in our pain to help us overcome. God is stern with me about this in this season of pain and healing. After I came out of the hospital and got a clear picture about how sick I was, my entire life seemed to crumble. I had no idea who I was and I was afraid that I would not like the whole me because I have learned to deal with the fragmented me. All of these concerns took my focus away from my relationship and purpose in God. Actually I questioned if I was called to ministry and folded at the thought of me ever writing or speaking again. My mental fog was horrible and I didn’t want the embarrassment of forgetting things in the midst of speaking or presenting.
My rebuttal to God calling me to continue to walk in this purpose was that there are so many sincere Christians who maneuver through their mental health challenges and do not share. I had less pain free days than days bent over in anguish and now this new diagnosis felt like a life sentence, but let me tell you how merciful and miraculous God is. He reminded me of some of the advice the Apostle Paul gave in his letter to the church in Ephesus. “I beg you—I, a prisoner here in jail for serving the Lord—to live and act in a way worthy of those who have been chosen for such wonderful blessings as these.” Ephesians 1:2 (LB)
So what does all of this mean? It means that we must understand and by faith believe the immeasurable love of God and His commitment. Jesus’ sacrifice guarantees Mercy and Grace to us even in our pain. It means we don’t have to be afraid to allow God to peel, burn, cut away, shed, and throw away the mold of lies growing on our soul. It means that we turn the page on the self-destructive ways we use to cope, allowing God to help us reject all voices, principalities, powers, the rulers of the darkness of this age, and spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places who are trying to kill our souls (Ephesians 6:12, NKJV). How do we find compassion and empathy in the midst of our pain? We believe what God has promised us:
- We have been redeemed – Amen
- We are forgiven – Amen
- We are not cast away – Amen
- We are worthy of love – Amen
- We do have purpose in this life – Amen
- The cocoon of pain will soon release a stronger you – Amen
- You will have joy again – Amen
- Jesus died so that we don’t have to – Amen
- God has given us a testimony – Amen
- We are saved by Grace through Faith – Amen
- God does love us – Amen
- Jesus did die for us – Amen
- Jesus is praying for us – Amen
- God can still use us – Amen
- God will get the Glory in our story – Amen
I have a spinal condition and for years have had to have epidurals to relieve the pressure of the disk on my nerve in my lower back and neck. I still can not tell you which is more painful, the injections or the back pain. In 2017, I had to receive a series of these injections. My doctor pulled me out of work because he said I needed the time to rest and over time the injections would be more painful. They went into the same two entry points every time. As time went by I cried more and more as the appointments came. My back was sore. The entry points for the injections look longer to heal because they were sore. The recoup time took longer and I was honestly scared of the pain. Oh and I was not put to sleep. The area was numbed but I had to be alert for communication and feedback so I felt every moment of the pressure as the needle went down my spine.
As the time for the last injection appointments came, I begged the doctor not to do them and I cried even harder to God to make them stop. As I laid on the procedure table, the tears rolled down my face and my voice was more inward. However, this doctor asked me one question which has changed my lens about God’s relationship with our pain. “Do you want to live a more fulfilled life?” I whimpered yes as the tears still flowed. I thought that nothing he could say would comfort me at that moment. And I thought nothing could except his words which followed.
“This pain is temporary and on the other side of this is relief and a better quality of life, but you have to go through this, but don’t worry I and the attending nurse are here and with you for the entirety of the procedure.”
Then I asked him to turn off the music and he answered, “no.” I also asked him not to talk to me or ask me questions, or keep his hands on my back like he had been doing every time but he answered said
“No, I play the music to distract you, I ask you questions for you to keep talking to me and for you to hear my voice, and I keep my hands on you so that you will know that I am here with you, you are not alone.”
I experienced a glimpse of the Ministry of Presence which God gifts us through others and His Spirit. Speaking to His disciples, Jesus said
“Teach them to obey everything that I have told you. You can be sure that I will be with you always. I will continue with you until the end of the world.” Mathew 28:20 (ICB).
This sinful world comes with the guarantee of pain but we are not alone in that journey. Our plight reminds me of the lyrics from “In This World” by Richard Hall and sung by Moby.
Whoa, in this world
Whoa, in this world
Whoa, in this world
Lordy, don’t leave me
All by myself
Lordy, don’t leave me
All by myself
Jesus did give us a heads up about the certainty of pain, what our attitude should be, and what He has done to free us from the pain in time to come.
“These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 (KJV).
Here is my undeniable truth, if it wasn’t for the fierce and relentless, and redeeming Grace of God, I would not be here and I know that many of you reading this can testify that were it not for Grace your story would be different. In short, our reason for still being here in our right mind and able to feel His Love can be encapsulated in two words, BUT GOD! And we can testify that through and in our pain, some of us have learned by reading the Word of God, to:
- Look for God in the hills. Psalm 121:1-3
- Find purpose in pain. Isaiah 30:20-21
- Inject joy in grief. John 16:20
- Wait on the Lord for courage. Psalm 27:14
- Pray and Trust God. Philippians 4:6-7
If you are reading this and you know someone who is suffering, the good news is that you may not be able to offer them both compassion and empathy, but you can offer them compassion and hope in the promises of God. If God has assigned you to someone in pain, seek ways to help them. And if nothing else, you can remind them of this, God loves them and He is with them! Help them to find their testimonial song again. This is my song of praise in this season.
“Oh Lord, You’re Beautiful” by Keith Green
Oh Lord, you’re beautiful,
Your face is all I see,
For when your eyes are on this child,
Your grace abounds to me
My prayer for us all today. May we experience the warmth of God even while we honor the emotions He has gifted us with. May we also allow Him to continue to SPEAK to us, wrap His arms of GRACE around us, keep His STRONG HANDS on us, and JOURNEY with us until He BRINGS US to the other side of whatever pain we are experiencing. May we through it all remember to PRAISE Him because He is GOOD and good to us.
