A few years ago, I reached a place of exasperation in ministry. It wasn’t that I didn’t enjoy being a pastor, or that I had a challenging church. No, my frustration came from watching people—whom I knew to be good people—behave so poorly toward each other on social media. More than that, old friends and family behaved wildly as well.
The source of the conflict could be any number of issues: political candidates, second amendment rights, the LGTBQ+ community, racism, social justice, etc. Since the pandemic and murder of George Floyd, I have seen these conversations intensify. Now, these are good conversations to have. Avoiding issues is a strategy that never works out well. But, how do we do this?
As a pastor, I puzzled over this. I could preach generic messages full of platitudes, but that didn’t seem to strike at the heart of what people spent most of their week passionately invested in. Certainly, I could directly strike various issues since the Bible speaks to them. The problem with that approach is everyone starts from a different spot on a given issue, so it would probably lead to more confusion, misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
It’s a process
Eventually I decided to address the issues … but slowly. To begin, I walked all the issues back to the war in heaven and progressed over a period of weeks gradually building the blocks of understanding. The goal wasn’t to find a solution, or even to get everyone to agree, but to seek an understanding. While I was growing up, one of my pastors who was partial to the KJV loved to quote: “Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding” (Prov. 4:7). Get understanding.
Most of us seem to like getting debate points, likes and follows, or getting even. Getting understanding is harder, slower work. People interested in building their partisan platforms don’t want understanding; they want controversy. People needing to be right don’t want understanding, so they resort to insults and condescending tones. People who seek to have their opinions and biases confirmed don’t want understanding; they want an echo chamber without any kind of diversity challenging them.
This series of sermons turned out well, but certainly it didn’t discuss every issue or fix all the problems. Understanding is a lifelong process, not a few messages. Our blind spots are ingrained and hard to root out.
Three strategies
So, how do we do this work of understanding? First, make peace with the fact you have to hold your peace. The apostle James writes: “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger” (James 1:19). We need to listen—not listen to respond, but listen to voices different than ours.
Second, we need to be courteous and graciously listen to the best representation of a position instead of holding up its worst examples.
Finally, slow down. The media milieu we find ourselves in values speed over accuracy. Combine that with the fight or flight sensation we feel when a valued position or person of ours is under fire and we are primed to create a steaming pile of chaos.
Instead, search out the books informing other perspectives from people you trust. And get this—actually physically read them. Audiobooks work too. Then have a private discussion. You may not agree, but at least you will find understanding.
We live in a world that profits from our gullibility and outrage. Making a commitment to seeking an understanding, especially with those different from us, fights back against the forces trying to divide us and can, by God’s grace, help heal our toxic communication habits and open the way for Christ-centered solutions to our issues.
Read Dr. Pierce’s new book titled Seeking an Understanding available in September from adventsource.org and amazon.com.
